Taking Back My Power To Appreciate Life.

Recovering from Depression.

The blog post entitled; Depression: I Can’t Fake The Funk, was a glimpse into what was happening inside my world that triggered a brief battle with depression. Today I am grateful to be free enough to share my thoughts and be more transparent about what was happening. After having a successful surgery in May of 2020, my beautiful mother was diagnosed with cancer. A devastating blow is seriously an understatement; my heart broke into tiny pieces. The thought of losing my mom became an emotional warzone. I felt I did not have the supplies to defeat the unsettling sadness in my soul. Grief covered me and completely took over my entire being on every level, so much so I felt like I couldn’t function mentally.

The diagnosis was painfully shocking. Denial would have taken the pain away, but I knew that I had to be grown-up about things as my mom’s oldest child. I felt in my heart if I prayed for a positive outcome; my mom would reap the benefit of my prayers. Other than the occasional arguments every family has amongst one another, I’ve never had my nucleus rocked. I’ve lost family members who were dear to my heart, yes. Never a shakeup within my core group. It has always been my mom, siblings, and me. For the first time in my life, I was taking life on life’s terms. Yes, I’ve made it through some CRAZY situations in my life. However, after experiencing immobilizing grief, I realize this is a new feeling for me. I could not move forward. The thought of possibly losing the woman who given me life was incomprehensible.

At the beginning of my mom’s journey, I could not focus. While writing my portion of a collaborating anthology entitled InHERcure, I was emotionally in the space of resistance, wanting badly to be isolated from anyone outside of my family. I cried all day. If any time during the day was terrible, night time was awful. My mind could not find rest. My mother is my world. I prepared to set up systems to reopen my children’s hair care studio. It didn’t make sense to continue. My mom’s health and recovery had become my top priority, along with being the best daughter I can be for her. All of my love and energy belonged to her.

A Turn For The Better.

After weeks of living in limbo, God rolled out his blueprint. Total healing is on the way. My mom decided to fight cancer with all her might. It didn’t take long for my family to unite with my mom on her journey to recovery. We had conference calls and in-person meetings with doctors. We all researched and had our pressing questions answered. Expert advice taught us how best to support her. As the doctor’s plans began to take form and produce results, I wasn’t as sad anymore. I was in a worker-bee mode, which is where I thrive best. It was fantastic to see my family members’ gifts at work. Mom has given us everything over the years; it was our time to supported her and be the shoulders she can lean on.

New Revelations And Life Lessons.

Oooo chile! I’ve learned so many life lessons during this process. I’ve learned that it is possible to move in and out of grief. When this happens, it doesn’t mean I am crazy; it merely means it is an emotion that doesn’t go away overnight. I learned once more prayer is a game-changer, and it works. I’ve learned to be careful with my vulnerabilities. Some people are so evil! Knowing I was in pain yet took the opportunity to satisfy their narcissistic supply by exaggerating, manipulate situations to demonize my character. Yes, initially, I was hurt by the actions taken towards me, especially the smear campaign. However, TODAY! I thank God for building me up and letting me know that NO ONE HAS THE POWER TO BREAK ME! I do not have to tolerate passive-aggressive behavior from anyone. All my blessings come from above. Eventually, all my hard work will pay off in the end, in God’s timing. I do not have to worry.

Appreciating Life.

I am so proud of my mom. She has been a prayer warrior for as long as I can remember. She has never stopped praying. Mom has a prayer room in her house, where she prays more than twice a day. She follows the doctor’s orders, walks, watches television programs that make her laugh, communicates with her friends (who too have been amazingly supportive), and family often, and enjoy eating my marvelous cooking. I am excited to share that 60% of the cancer is gone from my mom’s body. I trust God for my mother’s healing. God is holding her close and will never let her go. Mom’s recovery is taking place right before my eyes. I thank God every day for his miracles.

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