Mom, Can I have a Boyfriend?

An open letter to my middle-school-age daughter.

I knew the time would come where our conversation about life would grow to another dimension. I knew one day you would ask me this question. I didn’t realize it would be this soon.

Brookie, I love you so much. You live in the center of my heart. You are smart, funny, and your spirit is so gentle. At your core, you are a wonderful person. Your thoughtfulness towards others is unmatched. I am thankful to God; he wanted me to be your mother, and he chose you to be my child. Your entire existence is a blessing because you are a prayer answered. I had Faith in God that He would one day bless me with a daughter, and he blessed me indeed, which is why your father and I decided on Faith becoming your middle name. You are a precious gift from God. I want you to know without a shadow of dought your value. We love you. You mean the WORLD to our family.

You asked the question, “Mom, can I have a boyfriend?” My answer is no at this time. There isn’t a boy on this planet worthy of you. I understand most of your friends are allowed to have boyfriends, I just do not agree with you having a boyfriend at this age.

There is MORE to life than this.

I do not like the idea of any boy having ownership of you claiming you as his own. You do not belong to him. You belong to God and yourself. As your mother, I do not have ownership of you either; however, I was given the responsibility to raise you to become a mature, respectable young lady. I want the best for you. Allowing you to have a boyfriend right now, I believe, will cause more harm than good.

There are but so many boys and girls in one school. At some point, girls would have swapped one guy for another. I do not want you to have problems, aka beef with another girl because you are now “dating her ex.” I do not want you to be fussing, fighting other girls, or losing friends over a boy. All of this is an unnecessary drama that has the potential to transform you into someone you are not. I know it all seems far fetched, but it is true. I do not want you to become depressed from dealing with this kind of stress.

Teenage pregnancy is a real situation for so many young girls all over the world. I do not want that to be your story. Young boys at this age, all they want to do is have a girlfriend on their arm, exercise their ownership, and have sex. I do not want you to become bombarded with that kind of pressure. Once a young lady has sex with a boy, she becomes emotionally attached to him on a level he (being a child himself) is not prepared to handle which is why at the end of the sexual experience the young man moves on with life, leaving the young lady feeling unworthy of love. Once a young lady questions her worthiness, it is a massive blow to her self-esteem, which begins the cycle of looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places. Most of the time, as these young ladies grow to become young women, they become desperate (because of rejection) and often settle for less to say they have a “boyfriend,” Brookie, I do not want this to be your life story.

The BIGGER picture.

Right now, I want you to focus on school, running track, fashion, writing your book, Daughter’s of Ester, and all the other activities you love. As you mature, there will be plenty of time for you to have a boyfriend, but not right now. You have plans to make the honor roll. I want that experience for you too. I want you to be free to live the life you want with no strings attached. As your mother, it is my job to teach you of your value. It would be irresponsible of me to agree to something that has the potential to break your spirit before you’ve had time to become equipped to deal with the possible battles to come. Our family values are currently cultivating you. God’s hands fearfully and wonderfully made you. God has huge plans for your life; it does not include any of the negative scenarios listed above.

2019 Vision Board.
2019 Vision Board.

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