Building Meaning Relationships With My Children Individually.
When I am focused, there is nothing that can stand in the way of me accomplishing my goals. Over the past two years, I’ve dodged the bullet of procrastination thanks, to my investment in the Whose Shoes Transformational Planner. I’ve written my book (Coming Of Age: The Easy Guide to Healthy Hair Care for Teens) maintained my business, and remained organized with my home. With all the success God allowed to come in my direction, I have a truth to share of my journey as a mother. I wasn’t always intentional in ensuring my relationship with my children was of top priority. Sure I cook dinner for my family every night. Birthdays are blessed with their favorite gadgets upon request. Home is, clean/safe, and they’ve never experienced feeling left out of school activities, well not if my husband and I can help it. But there was a point in life, I became consumed with taking care of my children’s physical needs, setting distinct boundaries between parent/child, training them to respect themselves and others, that I missed many opportunities to get to know them personally for who they are as individuals during many of their milestones. When I think of those missed opportunities, it breaks my heart because I LOVE my children with my whole heart.
GO GET THE MONEY!
I became fixated on working hard for the money. More money allowed me to purchase the material things my children wanted, especially once we moved to Charles County. The school system here doesn’t have a school uniform policy like our previous location. No uniforms equaled shopping for school clothes more than usual. Not wanting my children to feel left out of the “fashion” loop, I began sacrificing every ounce of family time working. I would style hair every weekend, rigorously leading up into the eve of the holiday season, days after the holiday, spring break, and the entire Summer vacation.
In 2016, I worked so hard for the money that I didn’t realize my children were suffering. They spent their whole summer vacation in the house minus the one time I was able to take my older sons to Kings Dominion.
I remember the bored look on my children faces that Summer. They wanted to hang out with my husband and me, but we couldn’t hang out as a family. Hubby had to work. I had a commitment to my clients, the money, getting the material things, writing and sleep. That is all I had time for.
I remember one day my oldest son and I had a huge blow up about respect….after that conversation we were distant for a couple months. Truthfully, I didn’t care because I was adamant about not having a child living under my roof disrespecting me. When we finally sat down to talk about our relationship, he shared how he hates when I call him spoiled. He said
“I am not entitled. I do not ask yall to buy me the stuff you do. I know the struggle. I see the struggle. This is why I do not want to have children.”
During our conversation, I realized I bark orders. I had stopped asking questions and including my children in discussions that affect the whole family. I realized we used to have family meetings twice a month. It was the perfect opportunity for us to share our hearts and bond together. We stopped having family meetings because I didn’t have the time. The family meeting provides so much love and understanding….something money cannot buy.
We recently had a family meeting. It started out as a conversation about housekeeping then later turned into us talking and laughing as a family. Before we knew it, Three hours passed. The discussion was so productive. Every voice was heard, and we all walked away happy.
So What Changed My Mind?
If you have been reading my blog since its launch date on January 4, 2017, You know that something inside me broke in 2016. It was a year of recognizing TRUTH! Self discovery began that year.
Since the beginning of my motherhood journey, I wanted to be the BEST mother I can be to my children. What changed my mind about my behavior was the feeling of sadness I felt while laying next to my husband every night. Resting in my husband’s arms always gave me so much comfort. My children also deserve the same loving embrace on a daily bases, yet I didn’t give them that because I was too tired. After weeks of thinking as well as realizing I do not have the power to reverse time. I decided to be intentional is showing them, physical love, every day. At first, it seems forced, but things became more natural over time. When I think of those missed opportunities, it breaks my heart because I LOVE my children. It doesn’t take much to just say, “I love you” or take a minute to listen to whatever jokes, complaints or conversation my babies have to say. I don’t ever want them to feel like their voices are not heard. I never want them to feel like I never paid attention to their souls. I want a beautiful, healthy relationship with my children. A change will only happen if I make the time.
- Create more family outings. I will schedule more family time activities.
- I will not sacrifice family time with work, answering client phone calls or text, etc. Family time will have my undivided attention.
- Kiss and Huge my family daily. I want them to always be secure in how much I love them.
A Special Note To My Readers
I will like to first thank you for your commitment to reading my post every week. I appreciate you more than words can be expressed. I am laying my burdens down before you with the hope of inspiring you to look within yourself and learn who you indeed are. The truth is none of us are perfect, but we can choose to be the change we wish to see. If we want more love in the World, we must be the change we want to look at. If there is an essential relationship in your life that needs a little work, figure out a way to be intentional in making it work. The change will not happen overnight. It will be weird in the beginning but keep making yourself do what you believe is the right thing to do to make that relationship work.
P.S. Feel free to share your stories of how you’ve made a relationship stable by being intentional in showing love.